Thursday, October 30, 2008

my obsession with the condom aisle

tonight we were at target and I scoped the condom area to see if there were dental dams included in the mix. no dental dams. and yes, I do scope these aisles almost every single time i am in a drug type store. there are never dental dams. never ever ever.

over the years the variety of condoms and other straight sex paraphernalia (or at least marketed for straight sex paraphernalia) has increased by leaps and bounds. in this day and age all of you limp dicked fellows can buy a condom with a vibe built right in so your stick gets a tickle of intense delight and maybe it also pleases your partner-- m or f, but i would not know cause i do not have a real cock/fake cock that needs covered with such a device.

woah, i just reread those two sentences and they seem a little pornographic and really this blog was supposed to be about my obsession with checking the condom/ky jelly for him and her (never her and her or him and him)/vibrating condom aisle to see if, miraculously, dental dams were being stocked, but alas my words digressed to the vibrating condom. If any of you have used these special 6 dollar condoms, please do tell about the effectiveness of such a device here in the comment section.

the safe sex aisle at the drug store is all about the condoms. now, some of you might think it is fine to simply cut up a condom and make your own dental dam, but that entails needing scissors or a razor blade or a knife in what could be a hot moment.

and since there are never any dental dams sold at drug stores, you should know how to make one just in case!

kk and I engage in let it all hang out sex cause we only have sex with one another. But let me tell you a brief story that set me on this path of scoping out the condom/ky jelly/intense heat for her or him aisle. Many years ago when kk and i fucked like rabbits one or two or three times a day, we each got our own bout vaginal bacteria infections. the doc advised us to use dental dams, but alas there were no fucking dental dams to be found anywhere except of course good ol' planned parenthood. After looking for dental dams to no avail, I vowed to wage a letter writing campaign to walgreens to express my outrage at their lack of sensitivity to oral sex lovers everywhere, but i let that battle go:)kk and I took a break from feasting on one another, our bouts of yickiness cleared up and then we went back to the delights of all different ways to do it and be pleased!

I still always scope the drug stores just in case one day I am surprised and I can truly let the battle for more dental dams go.

Below is some information on dental dams from Brown University's health page. Bravo Brown for giving the DD some recognition!

What is a dental dam and why should I use one?
Dental dams are small, thin, square pieces of latex that are used for oral-vaginal or oral-anal sex. They get their name from their use in dental procedures. Dental dams help to reduce the transmission of STIs during oral sex by acting as a barrier to vaginal and anal secretions that contain bacteria and viruses. They come in a variety of sizes and flavors - so you can find a dam that satisfies your tastes.

How effective are they in preventing STIs?
Because dental dams act as a barrier to bodily fluids, they help reduce STI transmission. Many STIs, such as herpes, genital warts and HIV, can be transmitted through oral sex. Like condoms, dental dams must be used correctly and consistently in order to be effective.

How do I use them?
Although it may seem a little awkward to use them at first, dental dams are extremely easy to use. Before using the dam you may want to rinse off any powder that's on the dam and check the dam to make sure there are no holes or perforations. The partner performing oral sex will hold the dam against the vulva or anus of the receiving partner. You can opt to apply a lubricant on the vulva or anus before using the dam. The lubricant can help increase the sensation for the recipient. Just make sure the lubricant is a water-based lube because oil-based lubes and lotions can degrade the latex and decrease the dam's effectiveness.

When you use the dental dam, be sure to ONLY use one side. Don't flip the dam over for another round because you will expose yourself to the very fluids you're trying to avoid! And do not re-use a dam on another body part (e.g. from anus to vulva or vice-versa) because you can transfer germs from one body area to another. Do not re-use a dam for another act of oral sex later on either. Dams are for one-time use only.

Won't using a dental dam diminish the whole experience of oral sex?
Many people believe that using a dam will nullify the enjoyment of oral sex. That's not how it has to be! Granted, the feeling of latex will be different than a tongue, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Using a dental dam with lube can offer your partner a new type of stimulation. Although oral sex is considered less risky than vaginal or anal sex, there is still a risk of transmitting STIs. To be as safe as possible, use a dental dam for every act of oral sex.

Monday, October 20, 2008

2000 and 34 and 2

Big numbers came to visit me over the last week.

Early last week I hit 2000 miles on my Trek Portland. I purchased it the last week of May and then was unable to ride it for almost 7 days cause I was gone to Philly for work. So in 4 and a half months I put 2000 miles on the thing!! woo hoo. Right now, the odometer reads 2060! So I am on track for hitting 5000 in one year!

On Friday my kk turned 34! I've known her since she was 24. She is growing older with grace and her beautiful heart makes me so proud. We celebrated her birthday in detroit. We actually stayed there at the RenCen thursday and friday for the NLG Convention. We were there for work and mixed two days of fun with it. R and A stayed with us in a hotel room and we were able to spend good quality time with the two of them and have fun and lounge around and get some work in all at the same time.

the rencen from the riverwalk

On K's birthday we walked the Detroit river walk and checked out the labor sculpture in hart plaza and went to supper at a not so good restaurant, but we had fun with good friends. And then we ended up at Cliff Bell's and had a great time listening to some local jazz.

me in front of broken chains; part of the hart plaza labor legacy landmark. the sculpture really moved me as it coincided with the one of the themes of the weekend--social justice and prisoner rights!

more of the labor legacy landmark...

And then on Sunday, we--the spokespeople of bike ypsi--held our 2nd Fall ride. It was a good day. Lots of new folks came out for pedaling.

ready to ride

happy after the ride

In trying to get pregnant land--kk started her period again today. and so it is...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Rising

Thank you to all of you real live people out there who are so kind and thoughtful and supportive!

I'm feeling better nowadays.

Kk tells me that this blog is quite somber. It is true. I seem to use it as a therapeutic tool. I've really never been able to find a good therapist until I met blog world. But, I am so far from all somber all the time.

I love life. I love sucking the marrow out of my every day. I love eating and playing and working and thinking and sitting and biking and walking and dreaming and sleeping and waking and doing it all again and again.

While I was wallowing in my own self pity last week, I failed to let you in on something beautiful that we were able to experience.

Last Monday Bruce Springsteen played a free concert/Obama rally right up the road from our house. Many of you know I love the boss a whole hell-of-a-lot. So, in this time of uncertainty and struggle, it was so fitting to get to participate in a special treat.

Bruce in Ypsilanti

He played an acoustic set. The set list: The Promised Land, The Ghost of Tom Joad, Thunder Road, Devils and Dust, Used Cars, No Surrender, the Rising, and This Land is Your Land.

This is a video of the speech he gave in Philadelphia (he gave the same one in Ypsilanti during the show we saw last Monday). I was moved to tears on that cool Michigan late afternoon as the nearly setting sun beamed out from behind clouds at the end of the set. I shut of my over-analytical mind for a few moments and let the idea of an "american dream" that is just and right for all people and the planet settle over me. The actual text of his speech is below the video. Enjoy!

I am glad to be here today for this voter registration drive and for Barack Obama, the next president of the United States.

I've spent 35 years writing about America, its people, and the meaning of the American Promise. The Promise that was handed down to us, right here in this city from our founding fathers, with one instruction: Do your best to make these things real: opportunity, equality, social and economic justice, a fair shake for all of our citizens, the American idea, as a positive influence, around the world for a more just and peaceful existence. These are the things that give our lives hope, shape, and meaning. They are the ties that bind us together and give us faith in our contract with one another.

I've spent most of my creative life measuring the distance between that American promise and American reality. For many Americans, who are today losing their jobs, their homes, seeing their retirement funds disappear, who have no healthcare, or who have been abandoned in our inner cities, the distance between that promise and that reality has never been greater or more painful.

I believe Senator Obama has taken the measure of that distance in his own life and in his work. I believe he understands, in his heart, the cost of that distance, in blood and suffering, in the lives of everyday Americans. I believe as president, he would work to restore that promise to so many of our fellow citizens who have justifiably lost faith in its meaning. After the disastrous administration of the past 8 years, we need someone to lead us in an American reclamation project. In my job, I travel the world, and occasionally play big stadiums, just like Senator Obama. I've continued to find, wherever I go, America remains a repository of people's hopes, possibilities, and desires, and that despite the terrible erosion to our standing around the world, accomplished by our recent administration, we remain, for many, a house of dreams. One thousand George Bushes and one thousand Dick Cheneys will never be able to tear that house down.

They will, however, be leaving office, dropping the national tragedies of Katrina, Iraq, and our financial crisis in our laps. Our sacred house of dreams has been abused, looted, and left in a terrible state of disrepair. It needs care; it needs saving, it needs defending against those who would sell it down the river for power or a quick buck. It needs strong arms, hearts, and minds. It needs someone with Senator Obama's understanding, temperateness, deliberativeness, maturity, compassion, toughness, and faith, to help us rebuild our house once again. But most importantly, it needs us. You and me. To build that house with the generosity that is at the heart of the American spirit. A house that is truer and big enough to contain the hopes and dreams of all of our fellow citizens. That is where our future lies. We will rise or fall as a people by our ability to accomplish this task. Now I don't know about you, but I want that dream back, I want my America back, I want my country back.

So now is the time to stand with Barack Obama and Joe Biden, roll up our sleeves, and come on up for the rising.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


It is fall here in Michigan, and I've been very quiet on this blog lately.
Business accounts for some of the quietness. But, frustration and tiredness with this whole process really accounts for most of the silence.

I have tried to protect our relationship throughout this trying to get pregnant fiasco, and I have done a semi-decent job. I have been there for k through her ups and downs. But it has taken a toll on my emotional well-being. What and who am I in all this?

I already experience a hell-of-a-lot of emotional endurance in the work I do and in the things I care about.

I need a break from this pregnancy shit. I did not want to try this month and we only were able to shoot her up once and k put that clomid shit back into her body for no real reason because we were away from our donor over the weekend and she surged super early cause clomid sucks. and if for some fucking reason this time around one dose of sperm 8-12 hours before her surge does the trick I would pass out. But really and this is for fucking real I HAVE NO HOPE...

and I am done with it.

i like my childless life just fucking fine.
and now I will go back to my silence.