Saturday, March 7, 2009

"Good morning Brother"

This week at a local sandwichy/soup/coffee shop called Beezy's, a lovely spirit hollered a greeting to me as I walked in the door. "Good morning brother!" He did a quick double take and then, "I mean good morning sister!"

I said a friendly good morning and chuckled to myself in the back of my throat. He was very sweet and kept shouting out to every person that entered the joint, "good morning brother or good morning sister."

I like that; I like an honest, loud morning greeting.

And, I like getting mistaken for a boy (when the right person mistakes me and doesn't get all weird and shaky after the perfectly legitimate blunder).

So, how can I make this a blog entry about trying to conceive and pregnancy/non-pregnancy? Well, I really cannot.

Here's the deal--for the most part I probably won't be writing all that much about getting knocked up or not getting knocked up or infertility or deadness falling out of my uterus for the next little while. It may pop up in my blunt observations about my life and my girl's life and the amazing people that dart in and out of both of our lives, but we are DONE with all of it for the next many months.

Frankly, I am tired of thinking about possibly raising children or not raising children or so on and so forth. Like I said in a post a bit ago, having kids will not define me and not having them will not define me either. What defines me are the choices I make every day in the ways I interact with this superbly fucked up and beautiful world.

I hope you all will still like to read this blog.

Whatever the case, I will still like writing it.

I plan on calling it the same thing because while I may be taking a break from injecting male ejaculation into the soft precious parts of kk, I am still injecting the thoughts of my mind and the compassion I can scrounge up out of my soul and the strategies that surface in my organizing heart to the work I do and the loving I try my hardest to be good at.

So, back to the kind man who shouted out a gender confused or not-so-confused greeting to me. That sort of loving spirit makes my heart sing and twitch and be glad to be alive. It is the small things that are covering me in a kind of grace at this time in my life--The river rising along the bike path; the bird songs that are growing louder in the brush and woods (blackbirds, cardinals, blue jays, robins, and the honking geese soaring overhead); the sun hovering on the horizon for more and more minutes; kk joking around with me and shoving her tongue down my throat (oh the stories);a bartender who was so happy and kind to all of her customers amidst the chaos of a super busy night;a mom of a man dying in prison who called me her angel; sharing pizza with a friend; being guided by a friend to shake and jump like a deer after falling off my bike.

Yes, the small things; the kind words, the beautiful animals of Michigan, the river that I love so much I had it tattooed on my arm, and the kind, generous and understanding people in my life--these are the things that I like to reflect on right now.

These are my injection reflections.


giggleblue said...

"Like I said in a post a bit ago, having kids will not define me and not having them will not define me either. What defines me are the choices I make every day in the ways I interact with this superbly fucked up and beautiful world."

i like this mainly because i share similar thoughts. i've been revisiting the drawing board on what will and what won't define me. the crossroads are an interesting place.

motherwilling said...

I will still be reading. Please keep injecting.

jay said...

you are so lovely you make me cry. and i will still read your blog! you're a great writer, whatever the subject, and vee agrees. xxxx

starrhillgirl said...

I couldn't stop reading if I tried. Can we get tattoo pictures, please?

Don't Lick The Ferrets! said...

Being a parent will define you, but not having one won't. I know it's hard to imagine, but trust me, I'm right. But you are more right. Enjoy what you have in life now and see where the path takes you. Best of luck and I will read, no matter what you write about. I like your style!

M said...

Yes, please keep writing!

Stephanie said...

of course I'll keep reading

Zoe the Wonder Dog said...

I asked E once if she minded often being mistaken for a boy. She smiled and said, "no, I kind of like it." But so many get flustered when they realize that she is not a boy. I wonder if she likes to mess with people's assumptions just a little. :) Ah, she's a great kid and I'm glad that you two remind me a bit of each other!