Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Lonesome

Sleepy. should be my middle name. I am sleepy.

My baby kk is in Sweden with her aunt (it was supposed to be her 30th birthday present from her aunt but life-or trying to make a new life-and death-the death of k's uncle) got in the way, and so it took 4 and a half years past her 30th birthday for it to happen.

I am in the upper peninsula of michigan in a comfort inn after giving 4 workshops in 3 different prisons up here. We have 5 more workshops to go and 3 other prisons to hit over the next 2 days. Did I forget to mention that prisons are one of the major forms of employment up here in the Yoop?

So I have lonesomeness imprinting itself on the fabric of my moods these last few days. I am lonesome for my kk; I am lonesome for my house and my gardens; I feel lonesome for the men I am seeing in these prisons who have been removed from their communities and brought to a land that is so white and so foreign and so hard for so many of them.

Every time I leave a prison a little bit of emptiness hollows out a corner for itself in the soft, fleshy parts of my heart. Being behind those caged fences and thick doored walls brings up all kinds of feelings for me about our nasty american history and the ways in which we hurt one another and fail so miserably at taking care of one another.

However, I did see two sandhill cranes on the way to the prison and their strong brown necks brought me a moment of treasured contentment.

All of this lonesomeness, makes me yearn to create even more community and to really think about what i want to do with the rest of my life. I want to grow things and build my household. i want to work for justice by making the world around me more livable and healthy and compassionate. i'm not sure i can stare the raw suffering of so many people in the face for much longer.

with that said, i am looking forward to going home and visiting with my new bees. yes, i have a hive. my neighborhood friend gave me one. it is full up with live, humming, little pollinators. i think that bees are probably never really all that lonely.

3 comments:

starrhillgirl said...

Bees. Nice.

halfadozen said...

brave beekeper! I don't think I am brave enough to handle bee-keeping. I can barely handle the beets and kale growng in my backyard!

I get so sucky when my love is not at home with me too. I spend lots of time wallowing in self-pity. I think the fact that you are on the road (even if its doing impossibly tough work) keeping busy is probably at least marginally helpful.

I used to do very similar work up here in Canada-- worked with an org that supports men in prison as well as sat on a board of one that helps women in prison/in conflict with the law. It has been some of the hardest work I have ever done, emotionally, but is so important... I would love to hear more about the workshops you were giving... Its really hard to get to do organized events in the prisons here... Although maybe you are not keen on blogging about work in which case I totally understand...

the injector said...

halfadozen, i will someday soon blog about work a bit more. sounds good what you did with people in prison up in canada. it is draining work but good. and, i always think myself fortunate to be able to engage in such meaningful work. anyhow, would love to hear more about what you did...