Friday, April 25, 2008

no more something is wrong with my body

I have been a bad blogger these last few weeks. Mostly, I have been too busy to think. Also, when these words came out of my kk's mouth, i got furious with this whole process, "N, I used to think my body was good and worked right and well, and I hate that this is making me think that something is wrong with my body. I hate thinking that my body is not working right. If we were not trying this, then I would not think these thoughts."

All because her temperature is all over the place.

I've come to hate that little purple thermometer. I think it is a joke.

My kk's body is just fucking fine. And to all of you out there trying, your bodies are fine too.

While I want to create a kid with my girl and I want it real bad, I do not want to get hung up in this thinking that something is wrong with kk's body.
Now, if she had breast cancer or ovarian cancer or some kind of growth in her kidney then something would be amiss and potentially life-threatening and we would work to make it not so amiss.

But, because we have decided to participate in the over-population of the american human landscape does not then make my baby's body all fucked up cause it is not happening asap. Her inability to get pregnant right now is not life-threatening. it is not an illness.

K an i are lucky to even have the time to mull over such decisions and find people who are willing to give up time in their lives to provide us with the jiz that we need to potentially make this happen. I am happy that we cannot just fuck and procreate. I think all people everywhere should have to ponder and plan before bringing a life into this world. I want to focus on the healthiness of our bodies. If we were not trying this pregnancy thing,k would never have jumped to thinking her reproductive system was unhealthy or fucked up or what ever. So, no more of this something is wrong...
I simply will not have it.


vee said...

Good for you! I wish I could be (and remain) so vehement in my rejection of fucked upness.

starrhillgirl said...

You, my friend, so often say just the right thing. Thank you.

andrea m. said...

OH HERE! HERE! you make so much sense, i can't tell you how similar i thought these same thoughts. you're right. that doesn't make you want the baby less, doesn't make the glaring issue of not getting preg. yet. all you know is that above all logical and globally responsible thought, you are having a very primal, human experience you can't "control" the way you want to, huh? it's big, major, at the center of your life right now. bless this mess we live in, make, and create and celebrate the good earth that supports us, you are part of all that divinity and shit.