red blood

Well. the blood has turned to red and there is more of it. talked to the nurse and the on-call midwife today. i have an appointment for wednesday at 8:00am. it is the first slot they had available. we are preparing for a let down and keeping a small bit of hope. it is hard to be balanced in a time like this.

we rented some movies and took tomorrow off of work in order to rest and keep ready for the possible onset of more blood and tissue.

i had my bloodwork today.

while i could go to the er, i'd rather ride this out at home in a space where i am comfortable and more peaceful.

just wanted to put the news out there. it is not all bad, but far from good.
i've been crying a lot. just weeping out of nowhere.
what a week for this to all come down. sunday is year seven for the loss of kk's mama. so k's emotions are already so fragile and wound in a tight cloak of loss and grief.

till the next time...

the uncertainty is maddening.

around 11:00 this morning i had some spotting. just a little, but some nevertheless. then some more around 1:30. it is brown and old looking with no cramping. i called a midwife friend and she explained that it could be the 9/10 week fetus now living off placenta blood. i've also had some burning in my crotch--not while i pee, but after when i am sitting around--the bacterial vaginosis/yeast infection kind of burning.

i did end up calling the on-call doctor at the clinic. and he was really nice and wants me to call and make an appointment for monday or tuesday. he said he wanted me in way before february 6th especially cause of the spotting and rh issues and all of that. he told me he understood how the receptionists at the east ann arbor clinic were about scheduling appointments (which is basically not so flexible or nice) and so he said he would leave a note and he wanted me to call monday morning and get an appointment for monday or tuesday.

in the meantime, if cramping and heavier bleeding occur, i need to call back and then make my way to the er.

i am trying to be positive and understand that k and i will weather whatever befalls us, but keeping my mind centered and at peace is so hard. my heart is sort of sputtering--flipping around trying to make sense of all of these opportunities before me for practicing patience. i want answers and heartbeats. but alas...