Saturday, January 17, 2009

the uncertainty is maddening.

around 11:00 this morning i had some spotting. just a little, but some nevertheless. then some more around 1:30. it is brown and old looking with no cramping. i called a midwife friend and she explained that it could be the 9/10 week fetus now living off placenta blood. i've also had some burning in my crotch--not while i pee, but after when i am sitting around--the bacterial vaginosis/yeast infection kind of burning.

i did end up calling the on-call doctor at the clinic. and he was really nice and wants me to call and make an appointment for monday or tuesday. he said he wanted me in way before february 6th especially cause of the spotting and rh issues and all of that. he told me he understood how the receptionists at the east ann arbor clinic were about scheduling appointments (which is basically not so flexible or nice) and so he said he would leave a note and he wanted me to call monday morning and get an appointment for monday or tuesday.

in the meantime, if cramping and heavier bleeding occur, i need to call back and then make my way to the er.

i am trying to be positive and understand that k and i will weather whatever befalls us, but keeping my mind centered and at peace is so hard. my heart is sort of sputtering--flipping around trying to make sense of all of these opportunities before me for practicing patience. i want answers and heartbeats. but alas...


Stephanie said...

I had that happen each time I was pregnant. I charged off to spend hours on end at the er each time. And it was always fine. I felt better each time though because I'd get an early peek at the wee little one but it was always a miserable few hours. My midwife at uofm got to know how nervous I always was and so she saw me in triage a few times too just to ease my mind.
They always told me the same thing your friend told you- its just something that happens at that point and not to worry (which is impossible for me!).
Anyway- rest and try to breath and we'll be thinking of you.

andrea said...

oh sweetie, i feel for you. it is so hard to have this much responsiblity for another life. you are doing the best you can, and that's enough. laugh and love. from all your friends, and supporters, try and take DEEP breaths. it's all prep for the next stage/step. also, give yourself permission to do whatever you have to or not.

Anonymous said...

Hang tight. Keep breathing. All love to y'all. All love.

vee said...

Hang in there, both of you. It's likely to be a steaming, scary pile of nothing. FWIW, I had some early crotch-burning as my mucus changed in early pregnancy - it seemed to become really acidic and my body took a while to get used to it. Hope you get some reassuring answers quickly.

jessie said...

scary! i bet it's nothing, but still scary. sending good good vibes your way

Kate said...

just a note here to ease your mind maybe.
you said that the dr. mentioned rh issues. well, the rh would only be an issue if in the past you had an unnoticed miscarriage hence the body creating antibodies to a subsequent fetus. considering this is the first time you have had boy fluids anywhere near your parts i doubt that you have had unnoticed miscarriages in the past.
just a thought shared. hugs to you mama.

Anonymous said...

Right, you deserve the most uneventful pregnancy in the world. So sorry you have to worry. There's nothing for it, really. During some of my worry moments, later in my pregnancy, I'd buy little sassy, funky outfits to help picture my girl, healthy and happy. Now I see her wear them and I remember the worry, and feel a little bit triumphant (I have other worries now).

Love you.