Monday, November 19, 2007

the long pipette

We are trying some new things this month. First we are paying extra close attention to kk's mucus; second we are going to inseminate when the mucus seems slippery and egg whitish even if the other signs don't line up; third i might, just might, give this special little instrument called the pipette a try.


the pipette--waiting to be used

I've been meaning to reflect on this long, fine glass tube for some time now. Many months ago, our friend, tm, pilfered a few of these devices from his work and gave them to us to try out. I've been nervous to use one for many reasons:

1. It is glass and my baby's tender cratch is just that--tender.
2. Sucking fresh jiz up anywhere near my mouth deeply disturbs me (i've gone my whole life with out any male fluids landing on my tongue or teeth, and I plan to go the rest of my life unscathed).
3. I am hesitant due to the extraordinary length of the pipette. It is longer than the insemination device should be (unless of course the insemination device happens to be a very gigantic penis), but maybe it will do fine just partially inserted.
4. And, this is the most unreasonable of my paranoias--I once heard this myth about the dangers of blowing air up into a woman through her vaginal opening(at least i think it was a myth, but who knows i could be the person that proves it to be a truth rather than a myth). I am scared that if I blow the sperm through the pipette into kk that i will also blow air bubbles up into her that will contribute to her spontaneous and untimely death due to an air bubble lodging in her heart, lungs or brain.

Last month I was all geared up to give the thing a try. I practiced sucking up some beer in it, and the Bell's best brown ale scampered right back out--spilling all over my lap. But beer is much, much thinner than sperm. And sperm is much more difficult to come by than beer.

All in all, I will most likely stick with the regular, old syringe, but it sure is fun to dream about putting the pipette to good old baby-making use!

11 comments:

Matthew said...

i share your paranoia about the glass part...i once broke a thermometer in my mouth as a kid - freaked the hell outta my parentals. hopefully i didn't ingest any mercury...though that might explain a lot.

luuuuuvvvvv your blog! xoxox m

Kirsten said...

I would think that the pipette would NOT be a good idea since it would seem like you could lose a lot of the semen from it sticking to the inside of it. But I have never tried so I'm not really sure. Also, about blowing inside of your Kk...I have only heard that it is bad if the girl is pregnant. But it wouldn't hurt to research it. Good Luck!!

Zoe the Wonder Dog said...

We could probably come up with some "test spooge" for you to experiment with (well away from any potentially fertile female bits) -- 'cuz you're right, beer and male ejaculate are not particularly similar!

biscodo said...

Gah! Wha??!? Glass?

If I had a precious, delicate, yet muscular orifice that I wanted to make babies with, I definitely wouldn't be sticking (or having anyone else stick) long thin (i.e. weak) glass tubes in it. I'd be worried that I would sneeze and break it off, with the attendant ride to the hospital. Good stories would result, surely ("... yeah, but you should hear the one about when I broke the glass pipette off in k's hoo-ha..."). But it would definitely impede the baby-making, no?

If you feel you must use a pipette, could you use a plastic (sterile/disposable?) one? Pretty please?

Besides, I'm with Kirsten on the "probably won't get all of it out" notion.

As far as your aversion to boy-juice goes... they make "pipette fillers" that are a part of standard chemistry labware - like the rubber bulb on the turkey baster, at the very least. If you are worried about the dangers of spunk touching your lips, tongue, or throat, imagine how thousands of chemistry undergrads feel about sulfuric acid, mercury, or other nasty fluids. There is a solution to that particular problem.

....but why are you so freaked out about jizz? it's just another bodily fluid, and if you end up having a boy, you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later, right? Like there won't be more bizarre fluids involved in the baby-making/rearing.

vee said...

Ok, the glass bit is a little scary. I think the air bubbles thing is only dangerous if you blow air PST the cervix, and you won't be doing that, I assume, just putting the semen onto the cervix. The pipette would be ok if you're opening the vagina with a speculum so you can see where you're goin g with it. And I've heard yogurt is a good practise fluid! Good luck.

Ypsipearl said...

I think paying attention to the girl goo is a great idea, and really, I think it's pretty obvious when it's in prime slide mode for the sperm without a speculum even.

We use those pipettes in Microbiology lab, and the benefits they have is that they're sterile and you can measure fine amounts of liquid. Possibly since they are made for fine measurements you would lose less sperm than the syringe, but who knows. It seems like if that were the concern, you could draw some water up first, then the sperm and then the water would flush out the remaining little buggers.

birdy.j said...

ypsipearl needs to come check my girl goo- i can't figure it out!!!!! JUST KIDDING but seriously, i can't. :( Or maybe I just don't ever have the good girl goo. wah.

Micropipette said...

Hello,
This is excellent for switching to different volumes for adding different substances to the same test tube, such as the reagent and blood used in a Reticulocyte count.

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