Wednesday, June 18, 2008

iui #1

oh, how I wish so bad that I had my camera today to document our first midwife iui. It was quite a ride, and now, you who dare to read on, will have to hear all about it.

Scene 1
kk pees on stick--positive
the injector says, "I told you you should have peed on it last night cause I know it was positive then too."
kk, "I would have to go and get more of this these wasteful sticks."
the injector, "wah, wah, wah."

Scene 2
Injector riding by self to work.
The injector out loud while riding, "today will be hectic. kk will get them all scheduled: donor, midwife, me and kk. does it matter? not really, cause I think we are late. too bad that sucks. we are always too late or too early, or maybe kk's stuff is all dried up? or maybe we are not supposed to have kids? or maybe the world is straight up overpopulated and this is a sign? This trying and trying and no go is some kind of sign. well, there is always my womb. Oh, but then i would have to go without riding my bicycle for a few months...wah wah wah..."

Scene 3
Injector arrives at work with frozen toes
It is unseasonably cold in Michigan and I wore my sandals cause it was supposed to rain all day and I did not want wet runners. Did it rain? of course not.
VM from kk, "Be to S's by 10:45." Talk to kk in live person format. "kk you need to be to her place by 10:45 we have to be there by 11." Note: This means donor has less than one hour to get from ann arbor to ypsilanti; whack his lovely junk; kk get from ann arbor to his place and claim his lovely junk and then kk get back to ann arbor--the center of town on a market day (that's the farmer's market)--NO PARKING for people who drive cars.

Scene 4
Injector on phone with a parent of a client. It is not a good conversation. I will not go into it here because some readers may not understand the complexities connected to my sarcasm, but I am on the phone way too long and furious by the end of the conversation.
Injector leaves work AT 10:45 due to dumb person and simultaneously fuming about the difficulties some people have to go through to get pregnant and the ease that other people (dumb asses in particular) encounter.
Injector arrives by bike at midwife's office at 10:53 and locks bike to a pole. walks into waiting room. good feeling. hostility connected to earlier conversation eradicated.
kk is nowhere to be found.
Injector drinks lots of water.
kk, "I just got the sperm five minutes ago. I am on washtenaw. I will be five more minutes. Come outside and grab the jar from me so S can start the washing process."

the injector, "yes mam."

Scene 5
11 minutes later kk arrives in car on corner with sperm. Injector runs out and claims the jiz wrapped in a large gray smart wool sock. Injector stuffs aforementioned jar in pocket and dodges traffic while crossing back to office/clinic.

Scene 6
Waiting for kk to park while S preps the protein fluid and sperm and vile and all that jazz connected to this process. Injector told to hold jar close and not tip it so that the sperms can swim into the protein fluid and be washed of the stuff that comes off in the cervical canal.

Scene 7
kk arrives and she is beautiful beyond beautiful.

Scene 8
holding sperm for a long time while missing meeting for work. Happier holding sperm than meeting for work.

Scene 9
realize not enough protein fluid in vile. Restart process of holding sperm filled vile with more protein fluid added. During waiting time talk with midwife S and her two very sweet and kind apprentices about many things. Finally, conversation turns to the dangers (actually risks but danger lights went off in my head) of iui. Did you all know a person receiving sperm into uterus can go into anaphylactic shock? Bet ya did not know and now I do and boy did it freak me out and make me say glad it is not me cause I would make myself into a frenzy thinking about the ways in which my body could really truly physically reject sperm and simultaneously kill me.

Scene 10
It is washed and K gets in the stirrups and then S tries to get it through to her uterus but her cervix has already shut and so...

yes. big let down. it is just injected high up into her cervix.

Scene 11
I have to go to bed


jay said...

oh GAWD, how stressful. BIG GOOD LUCK. xxxx

jessie said...

I could feel your stress. You must be totally drained! I hope things turn out for the best this cycle.

Anonymous said...

I don't suppose a book deal would make this process worth it - mainly just getting your baby is going to help with that. But if IIII were a publisher, I'd want to publish this book. I'm really into reading it, for sure.

Perhaps your spelling is intentional, or maybe it's subliminal. Vial. Vile.

KK is beautiful. Did you have all your joie de vivre before you even got with her?

I used to wear a rain coat, shorts and sandals on rainy days with my bike. It was the late 80's, and the bike was a Huffy from a discount big box shop. I finally broke the frame on a high curb - then I got somebody to weld it back together.

Let me know if true life stories of Lucinda's inconvenient and abundant pooping would take some of the edge off this delay in your and KK's reproduction. For now, suffice it to say: June 16, 2008, 4:30 a.m., fresh sheets and bed lining needed for king size bed we all sleep in.

Perhaps there's a cosmic angst account from which you are currently making large withdrawals, and when your baby is aged 12 through 22 you'll be mostly tapped, for angst. You will be serene? either b/c she is perfect, or because you simply cannot be preturbed, seasoned as you are by smart socks in clinic waiting rooms and vileness.

I am sending you much much love.


vee said...

Oh hell. So different doesn't always equal good then? I hope all that stress turns out to be worth it.

Anonymous said...

Good lord, that was a cliff hanger.
Throwing all my hope y'alls way this time. All of it. Do you feel it?

birdy.j said...

ha ha ha- i loved that blog! baby, you need to finish it- i know you had to go to sleep but i need the story to end in the same manner it was all written in. ha ha haa that was great! And don't forget to mention the 5 people staring at my OS together (group fun, whoo hoo!)!

Kirsten said...

loved this blog. i especially loved scene 7, i think. "beautiful beyond beautiful."

squarelife said...

hahahahaha! that's me & my grl laughing out loud at your hilarious post! even when frustrated and anxious you're inspiring. which is why we love you.