Chicago easy listening...
Was piped at just the right level into the ear of the receptionist and therefore the ears of all waiting in the drab/way too bright clinic waiting room for me to think how annoying it would be to listen to a lite muzak/lite rock mix all day long and still simultaneously smile and sing along.
Yesterday, was our first visit to the reproductive endocrinologist. It was a sullen adventure. One full of sitting on our asses waiting for k’s name to be called and for yours truly to step in an awkward, pretending I do not quite have tits, stride behind her to the “room” for consultation.
We waited patiently as the bad radio station bleated out tune after tune of sentimental, hetero love songs.
The receptionist lady and the other clinicy people were sweet as jello based pie and as we waited among the slews of straight folks trying to get their babies on, our friend, another lesbian, walked through the door and set my heart at ease, just cause she was there and that made three girls in the room who like to have lovely sex with other girls rather than the boring old cock devotion that was way over-represented in this repro clinic.
It took an hour and 15 minutes to be called back to the room.
Then it took some more minutes for the resident to come into the room with a boy medical student trailing her. The resident said to k, “we are going to ask some questions and go over some stuff with you and then dr. r will come on in and provide the consult. Is that okay with you?’
Apparently, this was the wrong question to ask kk cause she did not answer and I chimed in with a “that’s fine.”
See k was in an enormously bad mood. She still is. She is tired of heterosexism and heterosexist laws and rules and regulations. The questionnaire she filled out for these people was totally void of questions regarding queer people’s sex lives or practices or anything at all about gayness. I wrote a snarky comment on the back of the sheet and I am sure all the doctors and students and residents got a chuckle.
So, k got extra peeved when the U of M poke and prod and learn crew showed up for the repro consult. I was not too concerned; the resident was really quite kind and the boy medical student was entertaining to watch cause he was squirmy and nervous and probably a bit fascinated with the butch/femme duo before him.
They asked questions and listened to k’s heart together. Yes, she had two stethoscopes on her body at once. Then they left and k was testy with me and mad and drained.
Then the doctor came in and he was very nice and smart and k was impressed with him. He told us again about the fresh sperm dilemma imbedded in our MI health code. But he framed it like this: “If you are sexually intimate with the person providing sperm then we can use fresh (washed) sperm to do an IUI, otherwise it is simply illegal for us to do it.” Then he went on and on about how it would be much simpler for all involved if we used a sperm bank with frozen sperm so we would not have to worry about any of this or otherwise we would have to freeze our donor’s sperm for six months and make sure it was a okay for us to use and then do an IUI at his clinic.
Of course, all of this is premature. We do not know what’s up with k’s insides, so that is the next step. K will have her uterus and tubes looked at—they will shoot some saline up her and do an ultra sound; she will get some more blood tests to make sure she has good hormone production and we will get the sperm tested to make sure it is swimming forward.
The doctor said he really does not think it is low progesterone; he looked at the reading from last month and said it is borderline low but not too low…
We like the fresh sperm do it ourselves method best. And really I refuse to get locked up in the big business of reproduction unless we absolutely have to. Our insurance only covers so much and we are far from wealthy people. We will attempt some messing with hormones and cleaning out of tubes etc. if needed. And then…I really do not know what.
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7 comments:
Blech! One thing I loved about our clinic was the fact that there was almost always another dyke or two in the waiting room. Still with the crappy hetero-forms though.
Can you get tube work and triggers etc without having to go frozen? Providing there's not a physical reason that home tries are pointless, you could continue them, but with a boost?
Ugh. I'm sorry. So, so sorry. For the wait and for the stupidity of the hetro-centric world we're in. I try to think of how I'm broadening people's minds every time I enter into the belly of the beast and hold my hand up, saying I'm queer, but that's cold comfort, I know.
A friend of mine, here, spent well over a year with the same RE I'm with, and she never dealt with sperm in the office. It was all about getting things right with her and sending her home to try.
Hang tight, y'all, I'm full of hope for you.
I'm sorry, Injector, I usually agree with every word you blog, but this time you've gone too far!! I don't know where you get off. "Bad"? "Sentimental"? CHICAGO IS A REALLY GOOD BAND!
p.s. talked to kk today. We're going to see you this weekend. Yay! Hopefully I'll cool down. Until then just try not to offend me further.
I'm a straight person who reads and loves your blog. I can't imagine the frustration you must feel in a hetero-centric clinic, and a generally hetero-centric country. I feel for y'all, and am rooting for you and k.
But please remember, cock devotion and all, that it is also really hard for us straight infertiles to deal with all of this too. Sperm testing, ultrasounds, bloodwork, etc. is never fun - and it can really affect your relationship with your significant other, no matter how deeply you love one another. When making love veers dangerously close to only baby-making love, that's depressing. And then the questions come - is it him, is it me, why is EVERYONE AROUND ME getting pregnant, and not us?
I hope it happens for you soon, and for all of us, so we don't have to deal with doctors and nurses and clinics and all this bullshit for much longer.
anonymous and any other reader who may have gotten the veins of ice feeling from my reference to cock devotion,
please know that i feel deeply for hetero and non-hetero folks going through the hard stuff of getting pregnant. the cock devotion comment came out of having just filled out a questionnaire totally centered around penis in vaginal intercourse and then sitting in a room full of straight couples.
Unfortunately, the reproductive clinic world that i have now been exposed to is very heterosexist and that turns my stomach.
So, please know i do care about all the different kinds of people going through this process of getting pregnant. my vehemence, and sometimes crass, trash talk, is not directed towards good hearted allies out there but rather towards a system (and individuals) who often pretend that me and kk and other queer people like us simply do not exist and then write laws that institutionalize and codify us as invisible and disposable.
good luck to all trying to get through this madness of reproduction.
I just wanted to post about the possibility of other options for the two of you. Couldn't you go back to the RE's office and "pretend" kk got her freak on with the donor for the sake of being able to use his fresh sperm in the office if you should so want to?? Or would going to a neigboring state that may have a different law be an option for you? I would understand though why you might be against the first option: it's basically discrimination to me that they will allow a heterosexual couple to use fresh sperm but not a same sex couple. You shouldn't have to figure out a way around it. It just isn't fair. With saying all that, I do wish you the best of luck and remember to go with your instincts--do it exactly the way you want it if you can.
Ugh. I'm so sorry! Hope you get some answers soon. xo
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