away from home

i've been traveling. traveling for work. traveling for family. traveling for work.

the end of may through the beginning of june i spent in philly for work. the afsc--that is the organization i am employed by--held a conference--the stopmax campaign conference. I went early to help organize it and prepare and then kk came and attended it too and it was all good and i got really tired. we got to hang out with people we love a lot and check out philly a bit.

after 6 days of non-stop action, i came home and took a few days off work, but proceeded to run errands and take care of household shit that needed attending to. Then we came up here to the great north of michigan to plant flowers at kk's dad's place and to be with k's dad cause he is so tired and sad and to hang with grandma c who is really quite sick. she has lost about 40 punds since february and she is tiny and little and sad. she really did not want to do the chemo and radiation and she ended up doing it mostly for some of her family and seeing her was sad and my heart broke a little today as kk cried and i could not stop the tears from coming out of my own eyes.

now i am up here till next thursday. my intern will meet me here on monday morning and we will write for three and a half solid days. hopefully, we will not experience any distractions and we will get the shit that we need to write all done.

so that is my life in the littlest nutshell.

I am missing spring at home. my gardens are in, but i am not there to tend to them. my absence from my home--the place where my soul is rooted--makes me antsy.

there is a lot swirling around in my head about trying to get pregnant and it not working, but really we have sickness at our door and spring abounds and work lives squarely at the center of our lives and we are away from home and i cannot think about the fact that it just has not been working out.

so now i will think on the fragility surrounding my heart and kk's heart and try to soothe it with the wetness of kisses and the dank throb of bourbon splashing down my throat.