Monday, February 11, 2008

8 years together

8 years together, today.

February 11 is our official anniversary. K and I met 8 ½ years ago in a Women and Film class at Eastern Michigan University. We did not really talk all too much during that Fall semester. I was dealing with my own turmoil about my personal gender stuff and sexual identity, and it kept me pretty much to myself.

In Winter semester 2000 we had another class together, finally, K asked me to go out for a cocktail after class with a group of women. I declined. Then she asked again, and I said yes—she says she had to ask a few more times before I said yes…

After a not very tasty beer and some interesting conversation about social justice, etc, k asked me to go see boys don’t cry with her the following week. I said yes and my heart lodged itself in my throat for the first time in my life.

But that movie date does not mark the anniversary. We had a good time together; I wept through the whole movie and blew my nose and wept some more in front of this woman who I thought amazing and gorgeous and pretty much untouchable.

After the movie we drank tea, talked, and parted ways. In the following days, we made an elaborate plan to go hear Angela Davis speak. I would drive some of her friends and one of my friends, cause I had an old Honda Accord and K had no vehicle, to Wayne State University in Detroit. This driving meant planning pick up points and drop off times and all that good stuff. It was my first real experience of the kk I know so well today—the organizing magician who can pull people from many different places and backgrounds together to get something accomplished.

We made it downtown and got our seats and waited for this woman we looked up to as activist, heroine, fighter for the greatest good to speak. But, the auditorium was packed out and the overflow rooms were packed out and the organizers of the event locked the doors and the people who were outside beat on the doors and beat on the doors. It was crazy strange. Then Angela Davis spoke and my heart got all fiery and furious and achy-like because of the systems in place in this country that perpetually keep people (certain groups of people—people of color, poor people, queer people, and the list goes on…) down and marginalized and oppressed and out. I was not a prisoner rights activist, yet, but this was just one of many moments in my life that helped to lead me towards the work I have become passionate about.

How fitting and right that this speech would also mark the beginning of the unification of kk and me. After listening to a detailed and astute critique of the prison industrial complex, we headed out to eat with our carload of people and various friends we had bumped into at the talk. [the next time Angela Davis was in MI giving a talk, I was in a women’s prison co-teaching a personal narrative class and we told the women inside that she was nearby speaking about tearing down the system that held them captive]

Then I drove my carload of folks from kk’s world and my world back to their respective cars/houses, and I ended up asking k if I could use her bathroom before heading back to my apartment. I went upstairs to her place and did not leave until Monday evening (it was a Friday night). We talked and talked and made love and talked and talked and made more love and talked and talked. And i did not sleep much. I stared at kk as she slept and my heart got tangled up.

That was the beginning of this 8-year journey. This journey full up of love, adventures, complications, obstacles (year 6 of our relationship was fucking rough), good food, good friends, good community, good work.

A fortifying factor in our relationship was this decision to try to bring a child (or maybe two) into this world.

Today, on this day that marks our first coming together in both passion and the pursuit of justice, kk started her period yet again.

No sperm stickage to egg this time around. I am sad, but I know we are solid together and that things will be okay. We will keep trying. I will keep hoping and then keep slapping myself for getting my hopes up, and maybe someday kk will miss her period and we will be in for a new ride.

Until the time comes when we are on the new roller coaster, I will settle back into this life that I am blessed to be living and keep striving for the greatest good for all beings and the rocks and soil and worms and fungi and trees and bodies of water that make up this ball we are spinning on.


vee said...

Happy anniversary. May you see the next one in with a babe-in-arms.

amanda said...

What a beautiful story. Just brought tears to my eyes on a not-so-teary day for me. i'm so sorry to hear about this disappointing cycle though.

Happy Anniversary. Keep loving each other as strongly as you do now--you're an inspiration!

mrsbluemont said...

vee said it beautifully and i agree. have a glass of something strong to celebrate a new year with your love and a new cycle. it's a fresh start each time. every day we have with our parterns is a choice and each cycle with blood is a point of potential turn. stay with it hun. it will happen and then it could happen again. i wish you another hundred years of beginnings. ox

starrhillgirl said...

Ok, so I hate, hate, hate that this wasn't it for y'all. Hate it.

But, wow. That's a love story. I'll be measuring folks against this narrative about y'all's love for a long time. Happy, happy anniversary.

jay said...

i echo vee's sentiments. beautiful story. xx

Gretchen said...

Congratulations! And what a great story...

It is really a pleasure to read this blog--your writing is vivid and emotional and eloquent and I just sit around reading it, imagining all sorts of things, which is really fun--so...thanks. I really consider you two and your relationship something to look up to and hopefully look forward to in my own life. What a blessing to have found eachother! And how inspiring to others (as I'm sure I'm not alone).

Feliz Aniversario from Obeth and I...oh and of course little Tuula!

Zoe the Wonder Dog said...

Congrats to you both! I LOVE that you remember the quality of your beer from so long ago. :)

The upside of realizing that K was not pregnant on this particular day, is that you are reminded of how much you do have at this moment and that you will head into the next opportunity (or many opportunities) together. You knew this, but reminders are good!

Kirsten said...

Happy Anniversary. I so enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for writin and keep the posts coming!!!