Friday, February 15, 2008

my homosexual desire

There are moments when my sexual orientation—ah such a funny phrase—bashes me over the head and wakes up those private, special parts in not-so-private places.

Yesterday, kk and I were working out at the gym, and I could not keep my eyes off of her back and arms and head and legs—she was such a hottie there on that bike busting out a sweat and making me bust a non-existent nut in my pants.

Of course, I then had to start thinking about the eruption of lust that was permeating my body and its origins and its homo—ness and its total rightness and the perceived wrongness that so many people and doctrines construct up around lust and longing and sex between same-gendered and/or same-sexed people.

Thinking then squelched the fire in my loins, for the time being.

The point of this story is this: most days I go through life not thinking twice about my queerness—not thinking a thing about the fact that I love a woman and have amazing sex with her and that I am attracted to people with genitalia that resembles mine…but some days my queerness surfaces and is so right there in my face and I get this strange sort of happiness from knowing that I am living my life the way that I want and that I am able to desire the way that I want and that no one can do a goddamn thing to stop it.

Yes world, my body got all hot—not just temperature wise—from watching my lover exercise, yesterday!

[I’ve had work off the last few days—a lot of time to sit and think…and write]

3 comments:

tiff said...

K and I were just talking about this the other day. Some days, it just HITS you. Other days, I completely forget. I'm glad you felt it though....it's important to remember :) and, it's just plain hot. That's all there is to it ;) Glad you have it just as bad for your girl as you did when you met her!!!!! Awesome :)

starrhillgirl said...

It is great, isn't it?

plump said...

yup. it's just so cool isn't it!? glad to know that we all have those moments.