Second Try—on the day we left for New Orleans (June 2, 2007)

We decided it was best to skip a day. Nobody seems to know for sure about the virility of sperm if it doses out day after day after day. But I think that straight people have been sticking it in and letting it flow for years on end sometimes more than once a day. So what’s the big dealio if we overdose k on sperm around the time we believe her to be fertile.

Next month that may be what we do. The don don is very willing to whack it and hand it over on demand. Therefore, we may ask him to provide us with sperm daily for an entire 8 days after k’s last day of bleeding.

But all of this is beside the point, cause who knows perhaps by some special grace of the universe the meeting of egglette and spermy has already happened and the thing inside her vast uterus is beginning to build cell upon cell upon cell.

The second try was by no means as sacred as the first try due to the fact that we were in a state of hurriedness.

We woke up in a rush. K fled out the door to drive all the way to ann arbor to pick up the jiz. I was supposed to spread three yards of dirt around the freshly tilled garden area in our backyard, but instead I walked around the house in my underwear, wandering aimlessly, trying to think of all of the last minute packing items I needed to organize for our trip to New Orleans (we needed to leave for the airport at 1:30 p.m.).

See we had just a few hours to pack, drink coffee, take showers, finish the laundry, write out an instruction note for the cat caretakers, get Pookah’s, the whippet, shit in order to hand her off to the dog caretakers, and inject sample number two up into kk. She came home with coffee in one hand and the jar of potential life in the other (once again wrapped in a dark towel to keep out the dangerous light). And as the don don's boyfriend had said as he handed it to her, she walked in exclaiming, "Here's the magic!"

This time around we had learned that saliva was also dangerous for the sperm and that she might want to orgasm after it was injected rather than before. I was fine with all that, but I would not take part in this orgasm. Even though I now believe sperm to be a rather harmless substance in the practical sense, I have no intention of putting my mouth, fingers or other body parts near it, on it, or in it. Needless to say, k would have to attend to this orgasm.

I sucked up the sticky, chlorine smelling fluid into the orange syringe (yes, R it does smell like bleach, quite a darn bit). This time it measured nearly 3 CCs with the bubbles (one whole CC more than try number 1—maybe the every-other-day male masturbation thing is true?). I gently shoved it into k’s hole and very, very slowly pushed the syringe in.

Then I kissed her a couple of times long and hard on the lips and went to the basement to take care of the laundry.