Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Traffic jams, sperm, and spoiled fish


The third time

Oh, now I might be able to say—what a HOOT that was.

K decided she was mighty fertile on Monday (though none of her signs were present). So, she scheduled a sperm pick up. I ended up in the car with her—my bike on the trunk rack—due to a knee injury that is keeping me from biking round trip, ughh…

We decided to grab some fish from a market to make tacos before we picked up the sperm to make a baby. The don don said not to get there before 5:30, so we had five minutes to blow in the store. We swung by the don don’s and he handed off a too cold jar of jiz, which I promptly stuffed up my shirt next to my sweaty belly. Did I mention it got up into the low 90s on Monday—humidity 60% or higher.

Then the hell began. I had had a bad feeling about getting on the freeway to make our way home, but we did it regardless only to be instantly stopped by a long, long line of traffic. The radio said an accident was causing back ups. I had to pee when we got on the freeway and an hour later I still had to pee; we were still in traffic (though we had ventured off the freeway to find ourselves in another jam, cause everyone else had gotten off the freeway too); and we still had a baby food jar that once contained pureed sweet potatoes now full of potentially perishing sperm.

By the time we made it home I thought the fish that we were going to consume for dinner had spoiled and that the sperm had died along with my bladder.

We pulled into the driveway and I jumped out of the car while it was still moving to get a head start on running to the toilet. K threw the fish in the fridge (I was still very wary of swallowing it for dinner) and jetted up stairs. She took a leak and grabbed the orange syringe. I sat on the bed, undid the jar, and sucked up the bleachy liquid into the plastic injection contraption. 5 CCs this time—that’s a hell of a lot of jiz.

Once I shot it up into K, a little came spewing out. But there was so much I did not think it mattered.

All in all, this is getting to be humorous and tedious, scientific and common, difficult and easy.

2 comments:

reticulatedmama said...

it is funny that since running into you and reading this i am honing in on k's cycles. i have been checking religiously the past two days thinking "it must be about time soon."
fertile sticky mojo sent your way.

Karen said...

Here's crossing fingers that third time's the charm. Come on sugar patch!